Thoughts, realizations & confessions

When you have a special needs child you are often told not to compare them to normal kiddos.  It can be an endless battle with you being the only one that suffers.  I have to admit with Lexie, I rarely ever did because I learned from Ethan and Gracie that kids just develop at their own pace.  Since she was special, I just convinced myself that we would take whatever milestone we could get.  However, try having two special needs kids with the same diagnosis!  That can be tricky.  I am constantly looking at Eli and asking myself,  was Lexie doing more at this age, is he outdoing her or was this done at the same age???  I can feel myself slowly turning into a psychotic mother.  Well, to be honest I’ve probably already been one for awhile now, but now it just may be getting worse.  I wonder if there is a shrink around here that deals with psychotic mothers or do the police handle those phone calls. Kidding!

Last night as I was doing my nightly ritual of dunking pretzels in the Nutella jar, Eric walks by and says, “I don’t know how you can do that.  That stuff isn’t good!”  Seriously?!!   He isn’t human.  I bet he also hates puppies and rainbows too.  Although, the more that I think about it, maybe it’s a good thing that I’m the only in this relationship that has a sweet tooth.  He has a beer tooth and I have a sweet tooth.  Perfect!

The jar of quarters that is supposed to promote good behavior doesn’t seem to be working at our house anymore or I should say it wasn’t working on the child that needed it the most.  However, I think I’ve found something else that is more effective.  Earlier bed times!  Whenever I hear attitude or downright rudeness, I move bedtime up in 5 minute increments.  It's been working great so far.  Fingers crossed that I will get through to these kids. At least that’s what I tell myself when I lock myself in the pantry to eat out of the Nutella jar.  Sometimes I think unless I hear gun, knife, or blood I can just chill in there for awhile. 

I’m hoping to go on a really nice family vacation within the next two years, but for this year we’re going on a nice low-key vacation to Myrtle Beach.  Plus, Eli is still so small that I want to wait till he’s older before we go on any big vacations.  I’ve been searching for places that will work for everyone in our family. I am thinking Beaches resort because it seems to accommodate special needs children quite nicely or on a Disney Cruise which accommodates everyone.  This momma needs a nice vacation and the luxury of it being out of the US! If we were pajama rich, we would travel the world.  See all the wonders of the world and eat all of the different types of food!  I need to buy a lottery ticket today…

For safety purposes we have had the kids memorize their phone number and address.  It didn’t cross my mind that Ethan would hand out his phone number to anyone who asked for it.  The other night I answered the phone and on the other line was this little girl’s voice asking for Ethan.  Me, not really knowing what to say or do, handed the phone over to him.  He told me it was a classmate who asked for his number, but he didn’t think she would call. I reminded Ethan that we are only friends with girls and he agreed with blushing cheeks.  The funny thing is they barely talked to each other.  They read stories to each other.  If you are ever wondering how to get your son to happily read a book, just have a pretty girl with a sweet voice call. I thought my voice was sweet enough, but I was proved wrong! 

People are judgmental.  It’s a fact.  Whether it is how a person dresses, how they talk and even how much money they make, we pass judgment.  Lexie isn’t judgmental.  She doesn’t see race, gender, or even class.  She wants to hug everyone and has no problem sharing her kisses.  In her eyes she is friends with everyone and isn’t shy about it.  I envy her.  To feel that way must be freeing.  I will forever be grateful that I get to witness the world from two different standpoints, mother of two perfectly healthy children and mother to two special needs children.  Best of both worlds in my opinion. My children have been my greatest teachers.  I hope we don’t screw them up. 

I love when I see people singing in their cars. It makes me happy that I’m not the only one. I really love it when people start drumming on their steering wheel.  Stopping at a stop light is like watching a mini concert.  It’s sad that I spend so much time in my car. 

Having two sisters, I know the fine art of bribery.   I’ve just recently witnessed it happening among my own children.  Gracie turned to Ethan and said, “I will give you the rest of my popcorn, but you have to do whatever I say.”  Ethan – “Fine, what do you want?”  Gracie-“Go clean my room!”  Me being the parent that loves them both equally put a stop to it at once, but I couldn’t hide my smile.  Have you seen the movie Mean Girls?  Yeah, I may be living in it about 10 years from now.

Sometimes I feel bad for not painting Lexie’s nails or for not getting her ears pierced or pretty much not doing all of the things that Miss Gracie loves.  But, then I remember that I don’t know if Lexie is even a girly girl.  She could be a tomboy!   She wears whatever I put on her, but I wish I knew more about her likes and dislikes.  Does she even like to wear dresses?   Does she even like pink?  Does she want to wear baseball caps?  Maybe one day I will figure it out.  Hopefully, it’s not after I’ve given her a complex.

I’m currently reading Les Miserables and I usually love to pick out quotations that just stick with me. You know the ones that you have to read again because you love how it's worded.  “At those hours especially when we have sorest need of grasping the sharp realities of life do the threads of thought snap off in the brain.”  & “It is with misery as with everything else.  It gradually becomes endurable.”